Irwin Dead, Zombie Ruddock still at large
WITH THE DEATH of Aussie icon Steve Irwin still stinging the hearts of Australians all over the world, attention turns to the question of whether or not he can be brought back to life, becoming some sort of croc-hunting zombie conservationist/TV presenter and continuing his lifelong efforts against deforestation and croc-poaching.
Hopes of such a re-animation are bolstered by the case of Attorney-General Phillip Ruddock, who has been an active member of parliament since his unexpected and sudden death in 2002.
The reanimated corpse of Attorney-General Phillip Ruddock has issued a statement concerning the possibility of bringing the late great Mr. Irwin back to life. The statement reads as follows:
"Brains!"
Fortunately, the Office of The Reanimated Corpse of The Hon Phillip Ruddock, MP has released a better, more coherent statement on the matter.
"In times of deep sadness and grieving following the loss of a family member, we often turn to the possibility of bringing our loved ones back to life as marauding, flesh-eating zombies. Unfortunately, however, this is rarely, if ever, possible, and for the admirers of the late Australian Icon Mr. Steve Irwin, this may not a possibility. Mr. Ruddock's re-animation was a freak circumstance, and we urge all Australians not to get their hopes up. We, along with all Australians, (excluding the bastard Labor party), extend our deepest condolences to the Irwin family. Vote Liberal."
Prof. Angela Fludwich, head researcher of the "Hammer Project" of Monash University has been researching the possibilities of bringing our beloved TV personalities back to life.
"Our research indicates that 'good guys' can't become zombies unless they are attacked and killed by zombies themselves. Due to his tireless conservation, education, and entertainment work, Mr. Irwin falls into the category of being a 'good guy' and since he was unfortunately robbed of his life at the hands of a stingray, and not a zombie, we cannot assume his return as a zombie.", Prof. Fludwich announced at a press conference this morning. "The case of Phillip Ruddock is an entirely different matter. As we have all witnessed during his stint as Immigration Minister, Phillip Ruddock is clearly not a 'good guy' or 'goodie' and falls into the category of 'bad guy' or 'baddie'. Baddies are 700% more likely than goodies to become Zombies, as can be seen in the documentaries of George A. Romero."
Mr. Ruddock immigrated to the Realm of the Undead in 2002, after being beaned with that Parliamentary Scepter thing.